


“Get over here, you maniac!”

by BananaChef



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Based on a Scene from Crimes of Grindelwald, Both: WE SHOULD GO TO PARIS AND GET THE GIRLS!, F/M, He's freaking out, Idiots in Love, Jacob: OMG QUEENIE'S GONNA BE THERE TOO, Jakweenie, Jealous Newt, London, Magic, Newt: OMG TINA'S IN PARIS, Noot Noot, Queenie and Jacob are eek, They're legit ALL idiots, but i love em, jaqueenie, like i said, lol, relationship drama, they all be idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 18:37:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20262685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaChef/pseuds/BananaChef
Summary: Dinner at Newt’s house is always sure to be memorable.





	“Get over here, you maniac!”

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a comment I read on Reddit that made me feel kinda bad for Newt and think about what his internal reaction to hearing about Achilles Tolliver would’ve been.

Newt gently put one foot in front of the other, slowly pulling the door to the basement closed. His wand was drawn, and he put his back to the second door, peeking his head around the edge as a man and a woman argued. Newt stepped out of cover, watching as Jacob and Queenie argued half-heartedly over his broken vase.

Jacob turned his head to look at Queenie and saw him, her gaze soon following. Newt took another step forward, an expression of shock and disbelief on his face. The No-Maj dropped the vase and opened his arms wide.

“Eyyyyyyyy, Newwwwwt, get over here, you maniac!”

The baker enveloped him in a hug, the brightest of smiles on his and Queenie’s faces as she flicked her wand at the vase to fix it. Jacob moved Newt back and forth a bit before the wizard wrapped his arms around his friend in return.

“We hope you don’t mind, Newt,” Queenie started a little breathlessly as she hung up her coat. “We let ourselves in. It’s _rainin’_ out there—cats an’ dogs. London’s _ cold_.”

Jacob and Newt broke out of the hug, the Magizoologist’s shocked expression still on his face.

“But you were supposed to have been Obliviated,” he rushed to say, letting his wand point loosely at the floor as he hunched over a little, letting his fringe fall in front of his face—this was all a bit much for him to handle.

“I know!” the other man squeezed out, breathless with laughter. “It didn’t work, pal. I mean, you said it. The potion only erases bad memories. I didn’t have any.” Jacob gestured out with his hands in a shrug before starting to take off his coat, letting it fall to the floor. “I mean, don’ get me wrong—I had some weird ones, and I had some scary ones. But, uh, this angel—” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder and turned his head to look at Queenie, but she wasn’t there. He turned around and found her picking up his discarded coat to hang it on a nearby chair. “—this angel over here, she filled me in on all the bad parts, and here we are, I guess, huh?”

He laughed a little, and Queenie giggled, which prompted Newt to laugh along with them. He ducks his head as he grins before speaking up.

“This is wonderful!” He gestured at the ground with his wand as the happy couple continued giggling, and Jacob laid his head on Queenie’s shoulder with a contented sigh. “Wait, is…” Newt walked past them toward the door, now utterly focused on something—or someone—else. “Tina? Tina?”

Newt walked onto the steps, peeking outside even though he knew she wasn’t there before stepping back inside, a hand resting on the door. “Oh, it’s just us, honey,” Queenie said gently, turning her and Jacob to face him. “Me an’ Jacob.”

“Oh,” he whispered, trying to muster a smile even though he felt crushed when she said it out loud like that. It fell after hardly more than a second, and Newt started to gaze at the ground.

“Why don’ I make us some dinner, huh?” the witch suggested brightly, trying to lift the mood.

“Yes!” Jacob agreed loudly, and Newt looked up, coming back to reality from his thoughts.

They all headed into the small kitchen area, and Newt set the table with a flick of his wand as Queenie floated ingredients and pans around above their heads. It only took a few minutes of simmering on the stove with her expertise while the American couple chatted before the meal was done, and Newt obediently sat down at the table as Queenie scooched her chair closer to Jacob’s. The food set itself on the table as the blonde witch sat Jacob in his seat and tucked his napkin into his vest.

“Teen an’ aren’t talkin’,” she stated simply and without fuss, tossing a quick glance over her shoulder at Newt. Satisfied, she went to scoop food onto her fiancé’s plate.

“Why?” Newt inquired, looking up at her. The sisters were inseparable—how could they just stop talking?

“Oh, well, you know… she found out about Jacob an’ I seein’ each other, an’ she didn’t like it, ‘cause of the _ law_.” Done scooping, she reached for Jacob’s fork and knife. “Not allowed to—oop!” She quickly snatched them from her fiance’s hands. “Not allowed to date No-Majs, not allowed to marry ‘em, blah blah blah.” She said this all with an air of frustration as Newt followed her movements with his eyes, making no move to eat. “Well, she was _ all _ in a tizzy anyway ‘cause of you.”

“Me?” He widened his eyes in shock—he got her in a tizzy? What did he do? What _ is _ a tizzy? Is it some new American slang?

“Yeah, _ you_, Newt,” she confirmed, scooping some food onto her own plate before sitting down. “It was in Spellbound! Here, I brought it for you.” She flicked her wand and a green magazine came flying over to the table. It flipped open to a page with the photo of him, Theseus, Leta, and Bunty on it, and Queenie stabbed her wand onto the page to illustrate. “‘Newt Scamander with fiancée Leta Lestrange, brother Theseus, and unknown woman.’”

Newt started, jabbing at the page like that would delete it from existence. “No—so Theseus is marrying Leta, not me,” he scrambled to explain, just barely avoiding a stutter.

“Oh!” exclaimed Queenie, eyes wide and mouth curved in a smile. And then, softly: “Oh… Oh, dear.” She finally sat down in her chair, a little deflated, while Newt had started to close in on himself. “Well—see, Teen read that and, uh... She started dating someone else. He’s an Auror. His name’s Achilles Tolliver.”

Suddenly Jacob—who Newt had completely blocked out somehow—blurted out this new man’s last name and started laughing like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. His fiancée joined in, loosely placing a hand on his shoulder.

_ OH, MY WIZARD GOD! SOUND THE ALARM! WE’VE GOT A HERO-NAME SITUATION OVER HERE! TINA—SWEET, KIND, BEAUTIFUL TINA—IS DATING SOMEONE WITH A NAME FROM GREEK MYTHOLOGY! AND HE’S AN AUROR TO BOOT! I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY THESEUSES I CAN HANDLE! _

“_Anyway_,” Queenie started, dragging Newt back to the present as she poured some butterbeer into Jacob’s glass. “We are _ real _ excited to be here, Newt. This is a… Well, this is a special trip for us.” The No-Maj reached for his glass, but she turned to him, placing her hands on his. The two lovebirds gazed into each other’s eyes as she continued speaking. “You see, Jacob an’ I—” She turned to Newt. “We’re getting married!”

The baker looked at Queenie in delight and shock, as if this was news to him, before grinning. “I’m marrying Jacob!” he exclaimed before dumping his drink on himself, and she squealed, Newt jumping in his seat at all the noise. She picked up her wand and conjured a burst of confetti to distract the magizoologist from his friend’s strange behavior, but it didn’t work.

_ You’ve enchanted him, haven’t you? _ She drank from his mind before stubbornly dabbing at Jacob with a napkin. Newt stared at Queenie, disappointment etched into his face.

“What?” she denied, trying to laugh it off. “I have _ not_.” Jacob leaned into her touch, holding his now-empty glass in his hand as the butterbeer soaked into his clothes.

“Will you stop reading my mind?” Newt requested, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, but—_Queenie, you’ve brought him here against his will. _ He pursed his lips, gazing a hole into the floor before looking back at the two.

“Oh, that is an _ outrageous _ accusation. Look at him. He’s just happy. He’s so happy.” The couple gazed into each other’s eyes with large smiles until Newt stood up and took out his wand.

“Then you won’t mind if I, um—” Queenie stood up, too, protectively placing her arm in front of Jacob, effectively cutting Newt off.

She stared him down, a dangerous glint in her eyes. “Please don’t,” she asked quietly, her voice firm, and Jacob rubbed her arm, starting to press kisses to her sleeve.

“Queenie, you’ve got nothing to fear if he wants to get married,” Newt explained, pointing his wand at his friend, his arm shaking a bit. “We can just—lift the enchantment, and he can tell us himself.”

She stared at him with her mouth open for a moment before relenting to look at Jacob. She brought her hand to his and gave it a squeeze before stepping back to nervously stand in the living area.

“Whaddya got there? Watchu gonna do? Watchu gonna do with that, Mr. Scamander?” the No-Maj asked before breaking into a grin.

Newt didn’t respond, a somewhat pained expression on his face. “_ Sergito. _” The tip of his wand lit up and Jacob started gurgling and spasming, pink, magical light streaming out of his body to rise up and form a heart before it popped like a bubble. For a moment, it was silent, until Newt’s friend let out a ragged breath, looking around the house with a shocked and frightened look on his face. “Congratulations on your engagement, Jacob,” the magizoologist said, rather tactlessly.

“Wait, what?” the baker was examining his clothes, and why they were drenched in—was that butterbeer? Newt looked at Jacob apologetically before his eyes flicked up to Queenie, who gave a hopeful smile. “Oh no, you didn’t…” She immediately stiffened, biting her lip before starting to pack up her things, closing her case and grabbing her coat from where she hung it on the door. “Queenie—!” He stumbled out of his chair, murmuring, “One second,” to Newt. “Queenie!” But she was already out the door as she pulled on her coat. “It’s very nice to see you,” Jacob said to Newt, stumbling across the room. “Where the hell am I right now?”

“Uh—uh—London,” he answered with a stutter, caused by the jumble and sudden actions of his friends. He held his wand loosely in his hand, the thumb of his other hooked into his trousers to rest on his hip.

“Ugh!” Jacob gasped, slapping his outstretched hand on his thigh before heading out the door after his girlfriend. “I always wanted to go here! Queenie!”

Newt stood uncomfortably by the table, feeling terrible for being the catalyst of their argument but knew that it needed to happen—he couldn’t leave his friend enchanted, it was morally wrong. His eyes skimmed the floor distractedly before coming across some torn parchment.

“Papyrus reparo,” he murmured, walking around the table to take the repaired postcard from—Paris?

_ My dear Queenie, what a beautiful city. I’m thinking of you. Tina x _

Newt’s eyes widened—Tina was in Paris? He had to go! Now! Maybe bring the baby nifflers so Bunty didn’t have to deal with them! But Tina was in Paris! He _ had _ to go—had to tell her that what she’d read in that magazine was wrong, was a lie. This postcard—this was his clue, his sign, that he needed to chase after her. And he planned to do just that.

**Author's Note:**

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